My mom did something really Jewish the summer I was going to go to 8th grade, she sent me to a summer camp. My mom found an out of the way mostly white church to go to one year. The building was open everyday of the week with 101 classes for every affliction, free bagels & orange juice in the lobby before service near the parking for members with Choppers. This church was ballin’, pious well-to-do members with very generous donations. I learned a lot about white people while I attended because prior to that church I never really had that level of interaction before, I may have even infringed on a few comfy token blacks. There was always something fun going on for the youth it so hardly felt like a church. Video game lobbies, pool, basketball etc.

The camp was only a week and costly. We did some rock climbing, paint-balling and this water park with slides built like roller coasters. The downside was there was a service we had to attend every night to make everything remain “christian”. The messages were too serious, at one point they had us trying to speak in tongues. Another day they spoke on masturbation and one of the youth leaders spoke on it firsthand. He was walking home from school and found a Playboy magazine, he kept it and eventually masturbated to it in the woods.

He told the story with such deep conviction too, like he felt REALLY bad about it. He cried a little towards the end then asked for all the young men who have done it to come down and get help(like women don’t masturbate). It didn’t help that all the white girls in there were wearing their sleepwear/short-shorts either, most of which were in high school a step above what I’m use to seeing. they made us bracelets to keep our covenants with God we made there. Needless to say I probably only kept mine on for a week after camp, I needed a love session with myself.

I’m not going to make a habit of talking about masturbating on my tumblr.